Thirty minutes later Ellie was settled into 14A with Winston tucked safely under the seat in front of her. Only a 20-hour plane ride and she would have a new house, a new job and a new life.

My Dearest Elena,

If you are reading this letter, then that means I am drinking tea and eating cookies with the other old gals in heaven and you should be jealous. I would like to keep this short and sweet my girl so I will get straight to the point. I am sorry. I am so very, truly sorry. I was not there for you when your parents died. At the very moment when you needed me the most, I completely and utterly failed you. My own inability to deal with losing my sister trumped my bigger and more important responsibility to you. I let our relationship fall by the wayside and when I discovered that I had cancer I was even more selfish and decided to keep this from you, justifying it by telling myself that I did not want to burden you even though the reality was that I could not face the truth myself. So once again, I am deeply, deeply sorry. Although I know that I can never make it right, I know deep in my heart that we love each other and that will never change. I also know that you are a very bright, intelligent, beautiful, accomplished young woman and you have more potential than I have seen in anyone in a long time and that is why I am leaving you my family home in Dorset. It is located outside of West Bexington, along the Jurassic Coast and I just know that you will absolutely love it. I also know that although your dreams run along the normal societal lines of modernism and having the high powered job, I imagine that if you can slow your world down just enough to really look inside, you might discover that this is exactly what you need and exactly what you want. Margaret will provide you will all the necessary details and she will also be able to answer any further questions you might have.

I love you with all my heart. I will always be with you. I know that you will accomplish everything you have ever wanted to. Enjoy England.

Love, Sophie

Elena’s head was flooded with thoughts: England. Sophie. Death. Her job. Cancer. Life.
“I bet you have a million questions.” Margaret looked at her.
Breathless, Elena didn’t know where to start. Her now red and puffy eyes blinked helplessly at Margaret.
“How about I just explain as much as I can and if you still have questions after, we can take it from there.” she smiled sympathetically and Elena nodded.
Margaret pulled another, thicker file out of her bag and placed it on the counter. Pulling a few documents from it she began, “These are the papers you would need to sign if you decided to take possession of the house from Sophie.” She put the document in front of Elena who saw her aunt’s slightly faded signature at the bottom. “She put a lot of thought into this and it has been in the process for a long time.” She took out another, placing it also in front of Elena, “This is her will, in here it stipulates that you are not only to take possession of her house, but also of the surrounding 10 acres that the house sits on and you are to receive a lump sum of her money from which you are to do with what you like. She also says that everything in the house and on the property you may either keep if you like and if not, she would like it to go to a local charity of your choosing.”
She reached down a final time into her black leather bag and pulled the last two items out. One was a box and one was a thin envelope. She gave the box to Elena. Elena opened the box and felt her whole chest tighten, tears began streaming from her eyes as she looked down at her mothers silver key.
“She wanted to make sure that you got this. She said that you would find the perfect place for it.” Holding the envelope in her hand she said, “And these are plane tickets. She asked me to book them when she died. Apparently she assumed you would take over her house, quit your job, and move to England in two weeks. There is one for you and one for Winston.”
By this point, Elena’s head was spinning to such a degree that she thought she might vomit. It was all too much. She held her head in her hands while Margaret rubbed her arm gently.
“It’s a lot to take in dear” she said softly. “I am very sorry but I must go, if you have any more questions or need anything else, please don’t hesitate to call. I will leave you my card. You have as much time as you need to decide about the house. If you do decide to go through with it, call me and I will arrange a meeting to sign the papers.”
Elena whispered a soft thank you and showed Margaret to the door. Margaret hesitated for a moment, turned and said, “No one would hold it against you if you did not go. But if you do go, I have no doubt that it will be amazing, Sophie was a very bright and very wise woman.”
Elena shut the door and fell into a heap on her couch, bouncing Winston off the couch completely. Nothing made sense. A house in England? Moving? Leaving New York? Winston crawled into her lap, sensing the distress. She cuddled him and cried.

******

             Elena woke to a rough, wet tongue licking up her nose and on her face. She opened her eyes and saw Winston’s large went nose hovering above her. Groaning as she slowly sat up, feeling the now familiar dampness of her clothing. Ugh she thought as she realized that she had officially run out of clean bedsheets and would be forced to do a load of laundry. At least today was Friday she thought and it filled her with joy and a renewed strength that she was sure would help her get through the day.
“Last day in the box before the weekend!!” She chirped at Winston. He wagged his tail enthusiastically. Stripping off her sweaty pajamas and sheets, she crawled back into bed with just her comforter. She spent a few more delicious moments basking in the warmth of her bed and enjoying the few extra cuddles that Winston was allowing her to have before his morning treat. 7:36 am, she begrudgingly pulled herself out of bed and jumped into the shower. In less than 20 minutes, she was walking out of the door, latte in hand and administering Winston his goodbye kiss.
Elena had decided to wear a red bra today just to be able to feel slightly unique and a tad rebellious in a workplace that she was sure was modeled after the Ministry of Truth. As the elevator doors opened, she disappeared into the black.
Resurfacing on the sixth floor, she headed straight to her desk trying to avoid any contact with her coworkers. She had discovered in the year and a half that she had been at Chic Magazine that her female coworkers either sneered at her for not wearing Prada and not owning Manolo Blahniks or for not knowing who was the Editor in Chief for Vogue that year. Even worse were the male coworkers who were either gay and therefore sneered at her for the same reasons, or the straight lecherous type who were barely able to feign interest in any of her opinions but seemed to take great interest in whether she had dinner plans. Arriving at her desk at exactly 8:33 am she slouched off her bag and plopped into her chair. The piles of articles seemed to have increased in size overnight. She opened the one on Botox and read it over while her computer woke up from its sleep, moving as slowly as she did this morning. She cringed as she read about the lengths that women were going to in order to look ‘beautiful’. She began to feel a headache coming on and reached into her top drawer for her bottle of Advil, she swore that there was something in the ink that gave her constant headaches or perhaps it was just the material.
One latte, two articles and several smarties later Elena’s phone rang, jerking her out of her zombie-like state.
“Chic Magazine, Elena Gallagher.”
“Ellie!!! It’s Friday!! We neeeeeeed to go out!!!!”
Elena yanked the phone from her ear having now definitely been snapped back into reality.
“Hey Char, tough day at the…where are you now, the spa? Coffee shop? Lunch at the Ritz?”
“Ellie!! You’re just such a darlin’!” drawled Charlotte “I just finished getting my nails done and I’m going to meet Daddy for lunch. So, are you fiiiiiiiinalllly going to come out tonight??”
Elena hesitated, Charlotte was the closest thing she had to a friend aside from Winston but as much as she loved Charlotte, her idea of fun was very different than her own.
“Oh Char, you know how I feel about clubbing at twenty six but how about lunch tomorrow or we could meet up at the dog park?”
Elena could practically hear Charlotte cringe on the other side of the phone at the mention of both the words dog and park.
“Uhh, sure Ellie…maybe lunch. But can’t we pleeeeeeeease go out tonight! You promised we’d go out one night!”
“Exactly, I promised we’d go out one night, I didn’t say tonight!”
“That was six months ago.” Charlotte said stubbornly. 
Elena sighed, it was true, she had been putting it off for months and admitting defeat she conceded, “Ok Char, we’ll go out tonight. But YOU have to choose a place and give me directions.”
Another screech pierced her ear. “YAAAAAAY!!! I’ll call you back with the details!!” And then there was a click and silence.
Elena, ears still ringing, hung up the phone and breathed a deep sigh. Great she thought, what have I got myself into. She opened another article, “Confessions of a Spray Tan Artist”.
Her key card slid so quietly and smoothly into the lock that Winston did not even have time to get to the door before she was inside. She threw her stuff down on the counter and picked up Winston, whose wheezing had increasingly became louder and more prominent the longer she had been inside. After a few moments of belly scratching, kissing, face licking and hugs she set set him on the couch and went about making her tea. Switching on the kettle, she grabbed her mother’s cup out of the drying rack and went foraging for food. She only had three hours until Charlotte would be there and she wanted to take full advantage of those peaceful hours. She changed into yoga pants and a hot pink t-shirt that always made her feel like she was radiating color and good energy. She poured herself a bowl of fruitloops and grabbed a banana from the fruit basket that she had hanging over her counter which she ended up using more for knick-knacks, receipts and keys and less for its intended use and headed into the living room.
She collapsed onto her couch and opened her laptop. Normally she didn’t like to use her computer at home too often because she spent most of her day staring at a computer screen but since she couldn’t write about her own passions at work, her blog at home had to make do. She opened her blog; seventeen hits! Ever since she had started writing on military issues she had developed a little cult following whose opinions were divided straight down the middle. There were her fellow pacifists who all believed there should be a ‘zero-tolerance’ attitude to war and then there were the fundamentalist, pro-war junkies, as she liked to think of them, to balance out the argument. Her blog, even though it wasn’t very well written and hardly knew anything about politics, had generated a lot responses and had become a metaphorical boxing ring between two heavyweights that both “knew” that their opinion was correct. *this paragraph needs work*
She skimmed through the responses, it usually ended up being the hippies, the spiritually enlightened and ____ who were anti-war and it was the former soldiers, soon to be soldiers or teenage boys who were pro-war. She pulled her eating pillow a bit closer as she realized she was dribbling milk onto the couch and Winston’s back. Some of these responses are ludicrous she thought as she continue to scan them. “We’re the reason that you have free speech!” and “It takes a special kind of person to be able to kill other people to protect your country for you so you should be grateful!”
“Special indeed.” snorted Elena. She angrily slammed the lid shut on her laptop. She had written a post earlier this week talking about how she had a best friend growing up and they were inseparable until nineteen when her friend had joined the army and it had changed her both psychologically and emotionally to such a degree that their friendship ceased to exist because the person Elena had been friends with had also ceased to exist. They took her best friend from her and she would never forgive them. Her kettle whistled and Elena poured herself some Earl Grey. She set the cup on the island counter to cool while she had a shower.
Charlotte burst through her door at exactly 9:30pm. Winston twitched and uttered a short low growl that caused his tiny body to vibrate. They regarded each other with mutual distaste for a moment before Charlotte spotted Elena’s little pink clutch on the counter.

“Ooooh, I’m so excited to finally be having a girls night out with you!”
Elena came into the room wearing her slim dark wash jeans that made her ass look great, according to Charlotte, and a black top that had a very elegant plunging neckline that was the perfect combination of classy and sexy. Black always accentuated Elena’s paleness but did wonders for her blue eyes and blonde hair.
Charlotte beamed at the sight of Elena, “So you DO remember how to dress up to go out! I thought you would have plum forgot by now, it’s been so long!”
Elena smiled, rolling her eyes at Charlotte, “You don’t look half bad yourself Char!”
They both smiled and hugged, “I’ve really missed you Ellie. I’m so glad we’re doing this”
“I’m glad too.”
As Elena and Charlotte were leaving the apartment, Elena swore that Winston was giving her bigger puppy dog eyes than normal.
“I’ll give you an extra cuddle and treat when I get home, I promise!” she said as she closed the door.
It only took them about twenty minutes by cab to get to the club. Society read the sleek sign outside a dark building that seem to ooze wealth and inapproachability. Charlotte, who was a socialite of sorts, swept past the bouncer with a batt of her eyelashes and a flash of her million dollar smile that seemed to be a one way ticket into any man’s heart. Once inside, the club seemed to give off an even more pretentious feel. The decor seemed to have been put together by a vampire; black leather couches lined half of the exterior walls and the bar was black marble with built in aquariums. Big plush burlesque-red curtains billowed in every corner lending it a brothel feel.
“We should call Victoria Secret and let them know we found their missing girls.” Elena laughed as she pointed to one of the scantily clad waitresses.
“That’s how they attract the men hunni! They wear those skimpy little frills and then high rollers just a roll themselves on in! Whadda ya think I brought ya here for!!” Charlotte giggled and batted her thick eyelashes.
Oh no. Not again. Thought Elena. Charlotte had been desperately trying to find Elena a boyfriend for the past few years without success. The last boy Elena had been in a serious relationship with was her high school sweetheart but that had been over for a few years now and Elena felt like she didn’t have the time nor the need for a relationship.
“Now, let’s take a look at all these handsome fella’s!” Charlotte drawled as she began to peruse the crowd. They half shimmied and half danced their way to the bar where Charlotte promptly ordered. “We’ll have two peach bellini’s please” she oozed, making sure to batt her eyelashes a few times for good measure, flashed one of those big Louisiana smiles and soon they both had drinks in hand, on the house.
Charlotte really was the epitome of southern belle beauty. Elena thought, surveying her best friend. She had long, thick, golden blonde hair that was usually always in big curls that fell softly around her shoulders and back, she had perfect fair skin and honey brown eyes. She was curvy in all the right places with a tiny waist and surprising long legs for her petite 5’4 frame. Her father was a traditional southerner from Louisiana that had made his money in oil and then moved her up to New York after her mother passed away. The two had become unlikely friends in a university sorority that Elena had been forced to join by her mother before her own mother passed away. Now here they were, five years later and still friends.
“Ooooh!! What about him!” Charlotte said as she motioned towards a tall man in his late thirties who had looked like he had come straight from work.
“He’s probably married with three kids and just came to see if he could take a few hours off from his life with one of the lingerie models.”
“Fine. What about that one?” She gestured towards a very handsome, well-dressed man surrounded by a small army of model clones.
“Seriously, Char? He looks like the type who’d care more about the size of my boobs than anything that was coming out of my mouth.”
Flustered, Charlotte sighed, “Fine, how about YOU pick someone?”
Elena loved this part. This is where she got to pick out ridiculous men just to see the expression on Charlotte’s face.
“How about him?” Elena smiled her crooked half smile, pointing to a man in the corner who she dwarfed by about 6 inches. He was very small and about as wide as he was tall. His chest and back hair was poking out of the top of his popped collar shirt that evidently he thought at middle age was still acceptable. Elena looked over at Charlotte with anticipation. Charlottes lips pursed and she screwed up her face, “Really? He’s….mature looking…but I think we might be able to find someone a little better.” She went back to scanning the crowd. Friends for five years and Charlotte had still not caught on, it was endearing to Elena. As Charlotte continued pointing out possible suitors, Elena sipped her ridiculously sweet and equally delicious bellini. 11:47 pm, Elena checked her watch, at least she knew they were going home soon. There she would get to crawl into her big comfy bed and have lots of cuddles with Winston, who would be eagerly waiting for her.
Half an hour later they were standing outside in the rain waiting for Hunter. Charlotte, feeling only slightly defeated, sweetly smiled at Elena, “We’ll have better luck next time, don’t you worry, sugarplum!”
Hunter pulled up in his black Mercedes and they piled in. Elena had stopped asserting that she could find her own way home long ago. Elena squished into the back seat, if you could even call it a seat, and observed Hunter and Charlotte interacting. It was like watching two people that had been made specifically to be with each other. Hunter was tall and fair and muscular, had a deep masculine voice and was, of course, a southerner. He doted on Charlotte with loving gazes and warm touches while she gushed at him and beamed her blinding smile. They had been together for almost three years now after having met at one of her father’s convention parties and Charlotte was a believer in fairy tales and this one seemed to be going just right.
They arrived at the outside of Elena’s giant apartment complex and Hunter and Charlotte waited until she had let herself in and gone past the concierge before pulling away. She felt herself breathe a sigh of relief as the elevator doors closed and she felt the small jolt and she watched as the numbers grew larger until she reached twenty-eight. The elevator gave its piercing ding and Elena practically ran to her door. As she unlocked her door she heard shuffling followed by wheezing. Winston she thought and the familiar warmth enveloped her.
Winston pounced on her feet and then proceeded to hop up and down on her leg until she showed him due attention. She swooped him up and cradled him in her arms, hugging and kissing him.
“Hello my baby” she cooed and nuzzled her face in his soft fur. He wheezed delightfully and Elena, who was too tired to shower, just changed into her pajamas and dropped into her coverless bed with Winston by her side.

             Run. That was the singular thought in her head. She had to run. It was run or die. She could feel the wind tearing at her hair, the ground squishing under her feet, branches attacking her legs, and the rain slashing at her face. Suddenly there was no ground, no wind, no rain, no branches. She was being swallowed. And then…there was nothing.

******

             Elena opened her eyes, blinking a few times trying to put everything into focus. She relaxed into her bed enjoying the solid object and the support it provided for her. Disentangling her legs from the covers, she waited one more satisfying moment before slipping out of bed. Her oversized t-shirt hung from her slender shoulders and stuck to her upper thighs. Great she thought as she realized that she would have change her sheets and t-shirt once again. It seemed that no matter how much meditational music she listened to, how much yoga she did, or how much gym time she put in, the nightmares that gave her soaked sheets and knotted hair never seemed to subside.
As she was making her morning latte, she heard Winston’s paws clicking lazily over the hardwood. Elena instinctively reached for the treat jar and leaned down to give it to Winston along with his routine morning scratch behind the ears. He wheezed with pleasure and gave his familiar two-wag tail wag and tottered back into the living room and right back into his bed. Elena pulled her long blonde hair back into a ponytail, grabbed her bag and, giving Winston a goodbye kiss, ran out the door.
           Late she thought as she quickened her pace, was going to be on her again. If only she had a job that she loved going to, then maybe she would not catch herself lingering at home for a few extra moments each morning. Arriving, she stood and waited patiently amongst a slew of black suits and sharp pumps for the box that would methodically chauffeur her to a larger box where she would exit and continue on to her own private box. And that is where she would spend her day, in her own box surrounded by a larger box surrounded by an even larger box. Sighing as the ding of the elevator sounded, she shuffled into the box, disappearing amid the sea of black as if she were in a dream within a dream.
She checked her watch, 10:30. At least she was two hours in, last time it had only been one. She looked up to the sound of Sebastian’s footsteps rushing down the corridor.
“Elena! This article is terrible, it’s full of grammatical errors and colloquialisms, it’s basically shit. I don’t know what Kate is thinking, I swear that woman reads thousands of articles and then picks the worst one in the lot! I don’t know how or why this company is so successful.” He practically threw the article down on her desk. “Fix it.”
He turned just about to leave, but hesitating, turned back and with a slight sneer added, “You also might want to fix those split ends as well.”
Sebastian stormed back down the hallway to his huge corner office. Elena stuck her tongue out at his back. She knew she was due for a haircut but had consistently forgotten to make an appointment. Sighing, she surveyed the piles of unorganized folders and articles strewn across her desk. This isn’t how she imagined her career at all when she pictured it in college. There was going to be a big office with huge glass windows and a sleek black desk and possibly even an assistant. She would live in a large, prestigious and ultra modern home with a persian red carpets and yuppie looking furniture. She would go to the spa, take spontaneous holiday weekends in Europe and have paintings done of Winston. Yes, the life of luxury was definitely something that had been foreseeable in her future as a naive college grad. She was going to go as far away from that simple country life that she came from as she could. She was well on her way there too, her desk was not mahogany but it was not a cubicle either and although the closest thing to having an assistant was her bobble head dog, she was not someone else’s assistant. Just a few more years and I’ll have my own parking spot, she thought, so why is it that I’m not more excited. She sighed, 10:45, this was going to be another long day. And she began scanning the first line of “Top 10 Reasons to Get Botox NOW”.
Elena slid her key card into her door, hearing the lock click open. She had not yet become accustomed to the new fangled idea of using hotel locks on apartments. She could hear Winston’s excited wheezing on the other side of the door. Alas, the lock clicked and she fumbled around, trying to juggle her groceries, keys, purse, bag and an impulsive ‘taunted-her-from-the-bakery-window’ sugar cookie. Even though it never seemed possible. Winston’s wheezing increased two -fold as she squeezed through the door. After haphazardly throwing everything down on the counter, she reached down and scooped up Winston, cooing and stroking his pink belly. The wheezing got louder and his two wag tail wags became more rapid. This was Elena’s favorite time of the day. The end of the work day and the beginning of her night which will be spent at home curling up with Winston, tea and whichever book happened to catch her fancy that particular night. Tonight, it was definitely a Poe night. It had began to thunder on her way home from work and now there was a full out storm. The rain beat against her windows and the sky was dark, it was perfect! Elena put the kettle on, changed into her pajamas, and grabbed a left over box of chinese and popped it into the microwave. Winston headed towards the usual spot on the couch and plopped down. Elena opened her curtains as wide as they would go to let in the full splendor of the storm.
“Isn’t it a perfect night for Poe!” she said to Winston. He cocked his head, blinking approvingly. She went over to her very large bookshelf that seemed to overtake everything else in the small room and searched for Edgar. Scanning the rows, she had the thought that organizing her books alphabetically might be a good idea, but quickly dismissed it as soon as she found the book. Pouring herself a large cup of steaming Earl Grey, she laced her fingers around the cup bringing it to her nose, and inhaled deeply the scent of the tea. The warmth spread through her body from the tip of her nose down to the tips of her toes. Grabbing the chinese food she plopped herself down next to Winston, grabbed her eating pillow and, as always, randomly opened the book. She thought that poetry should always be read this way, letting the universe and/or gravity do the choosing. Lenore the title read, Elena rolled her eyes, of all the poems that it could have been, I get the one about the death of a beautiful woman. She began to read anyway because that was the deal she had made. She read aloud to Winston in the usual fashion and once she finished, she returned to the kitchen for more tea. Opening one of her sleek stainless steel cupboards, she rummaged through various shaped tins in search for a different type of tea. In the end, she couldn’t make up her mind and therefore played a game of “eenie meenie miney moe” to choose. The problem with buying thirty different types of tea was trying to choose which type of tea to have, unless you have a system in place to remember which ones you’ve tried in the past but that was just a touch too organized for her liking.
After having switched on the kettle for the second time, she grabbed her polka dot umbrella from the closet, her grey XXL cable knit sweater from the large satellite shaped bamboo chair that she had hauled into the city from the farm and her keys off of the counter. Hearing the keys, Winston slowly heaved himself up and off the couch and hobbled over to the door. Elena headed out the door, down the hallway and into the storm that had morphed into a torrential downpour. Winston gave her his best puppy dog eyes that proved futile as she urged him into the rain for a potty. He trotted out into the grass, quickly relieved himself, and rushed back towards the door at a speed that surprised even Elena. They returned back to her apartment just in time for the water to boil. Pouring herself a cup of oolong, she took Winston’s towel and gave his sandy-red, and now slightly grey, short fur a nice rub down. He wheezed as she finished and she gave him a kiss right between his big soulful eyes. She had gotten him as a going away present right after she graduated high school and he had been with her through the move, through college, through the death of her parents, the move to the city and the slow estrangement of the rest of her ‘family.’ He was her best friend, her family, her whole world and she loved him with all her heart.
As she started back to her comfy purple sofa which was covered in cushions of all various shapes, colors, patterns and sizes, she realized for the first time that although her apartment was sleek and modern, all of her things were bright, warm and colorful. It was an odd mixture of lifestyles. Setting her oolong on an Audrey Hepburn coaster, her bright pink cup that could seemingly also be used as a bowl, oozed a wonderful smell that seemed to permeate throughout the house. It sat next to her “World’s Best Mom” cup that was covered in pale flowers painted onto a sunshine yellow background. It was her mothers favorite cup and was part of her routine first cup of Earl Grey. After work, it was always Earl Grey first and always in her mother’s cup. But, as with the change in tea, Elena also took pleasure in a change of cup and even though this usually resulted in a sink full of cups at the end of the night, the simple joy she felt from choosing different cups along with different teas far trumped the few extra minutes of dishes.
Finishing with Eldorado, she washed her cups and the chopsticks she had used for her makeshift dinner and gave the counter one last wipe. She hadn’t done any work tonight but she would tomorrow she told herself. The storm was just too lovely to waste on articles concerning women willingly injecting toxins into their various body parts. 10:36 pm the clock read as she put the last cup in the drying rack. While she was walking to her bedroom, she caught a glimpse of herself in the antique mirror that hung in her hallway, I am the definition of frumpy she thought as she surveyed her red and blue plaid pajama pants that were a men’s size XL, her white yoga t-shirt that you could barely see because she was practically drowning in her grey sweater, and messy hair that was lazily put up in a half-bun. Elena put her face close up to the mirror, surveying her face; she had always been very fair and her pale skin and blonde hair accentuated her piercing blue eyes and she always seemed to catch her tiny imperfections. She pulled the skin taught over her cheekbones, there were tiny little freckles sprinkled across her face and when she smiled, her lips curved into this little crooked half smile instead of a regular full smile which always gave her a coy expression. Elena wrinkled her nose and gave a little snort, no point in being upset about things she cannot change.
Winston was now peering curiously at her from under the comforter wondering what was taking her so long. She ran to her room and jumped onto her bed causing Winston to momentarily be bounced into the air and then come flopping back down. It must be like an ocean of covers she thought as she saw Winston using his stubby little legs as best he could to maneuver his way around her king size bed. She arranged the ten cushions that she kept on the bed so they formed a giant semi-circle and the cuddled up with Winston right in the center. Shutting off the light and giving Winston a goodnight kiss, she pulled the covers up around her neck and, closing her eyes, took comfort in Winston’s warm body and steady wheezing.

I have never really had to support myself before and the idea of having to work at a job that I hate because I need to pay my bills is terrifying. I have never had to consider finding a different job before I quit my current one in order to be able to pay rent or not being able to stay home when I’m sick and I’ve never had to worry about quitting a job because I wanted to move, etc. Now I have to take all of these things into consideration. I imagine that it wouldn’t be so bad if I was being conditioned for a job but my degree might as well be an application for McDonalds. It’s so defeating. What am I going to do. *sigh*

On another completely different note, I have noticed that I have a filthy habit of inserting the word “like” into my sentences when I speak in order to pad. This must be stopped. It makes me sound uneducated and air-head-y. Haha. So my goal over Christmas is to Read Orwell’s Animal Farm and Huxley, work on my speech and…decide what I’m going to do with the rest of my life.

Happy Holidays to Me!

2. I bought groceries.

3. I made eggs and toast for breakfast.

4. I did the dishes.

5. I filled out a rental application form.

6. I lowered my credit limit on my visa.

7. I worked on my Latin homework.

8. I made plans to get help with Latin.

9. I will attend my art history tutorial tomorrow.

10. I am going to bed early!

2. I bought a purse.

3. I bought an Audrey Hepburn dress!!! (Luke says I look smashing.)

4. I ate at Sammy’s.

5. I met up with Ally.

6. Ally bought me some cute cups.

7. Ally bought me lunch.

8. Ally bought me a tasty crepe.

9. I had a good talk with my mom.

10. Luke came home from work early and we spent the evening together!